I was cleaning out a drawer in my bedroom last week when I came across a copy of a “Letter to the Editor” I wrote to our local newspaper several years ago. It was a letter about Motherhood and it was dated May 12, 1996. Fifteen years ago. I’ve been thinking of my mother a lot since today is Mother’s Day. She’s been gone now for a little over 4 years and I miss her. I smiled when I read the article.
Mother’s Day can be a hard day for those of us whose mothers have passed. I always feel a real emptiness when the Mother’s Day cards start coming out in the stores. It seems that always sets off some sort of grieving episode for me. When I’m in a Hallmark store, I look enviously at others who are there picking out cards for their mothers and it’s difficult to explain the feeling, but I feel “left out.” There was a woman ahead of me in the grocery store checkout line today who was buying her mother a balloon that said, “Love to you, Mom.” I found myself tearing up. I miss picking out a card for my mother, I miss taking her flowers and spending the day with her. I miss her smile, I miss her laughter, and I miss her sense of humor. But most of all, I miss her love. I plain and simply just miss her. How I would love to take her a balloon today! There are days when I long to call her just to hear her voice. I’ve even dialed her number a few times and it’s still hard to hear that message saying her phone has been disconnected. There are days when I feel I’d do just about anything just to be able to take her to the grocery store or sit and watch TV with her for a while.
But with all the sadness that this day brings, I know I’m also blessed to be a mother myself. Being a mother to two sons has been my greatest joy. I also know I’m blessed to have the mother that I had. She was a good mother to her three daughters. And THAT’S what I try to focus on when I’m feeling sad about her no longer being here. I see and hear my mother in myself a lot these days and in my children, and that makes me smile. I’m grateful for so many things. I’m grateful that I’m the daughter of a mother who taught me to be true and honest with myself and others. I’m grateful I’m the daughter of a mother who gave me a love for animals and nature. I’m grateful I’m the daughter of a mother who taught me to cook and gave me a love for cooking. I’m grateful I’m the daughter of a mother who instilled in me a love for books and reading. I’m grateful I’m the daughter of a mother who supported me in my dreams and encouraged me to go after those dreams. But most importantly, I’m grateful I’m the daughter of a mother who showed me what a loving God we have.
Though my mother’s gone, I know she will remain forever in my heart. Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers.