Forever in My Heart

I was cleaning out a drawer in my bedroom last week when I came across a copy of a “Letter to the Editor”  I wrote to our local newspaper several years ago.  It was a letter about Motherhood and it was dated May 12, 1996.  Fifteen years ago.  I’ve been thinking of my mother a lot since today is Mother’s Day.  She’s been gone now for a little over 4 years and I miss her.  I smiled when I read the article. 

Mother’s Day can be a hard day for those of us whose mothers have passed.  I always feel a real emptiness when the Mother’s Day cards start coming out in the stores.  It seems that always sets off some sort of grieving episode for me.  When I’m in a Hallmark store, I look enviously at others who are there picking out cards for their mothers and it’s  difficult to explain the feeling, but I feel “left out.”  There was a woman ahead of me in the grocery store checkout line today who was buying her mother a balloon that said, “Love to you, Mom.”  I found myself tearing up.  I miss picking out a card for my mother, I miss taking her flowers and spending the day with her.  I miss her smile, I miss her laughter, and I miss her sense of humor.  But most of all, I miss her love.  I plain and simply just miss her.  How I would love to take her a balloon today!  There are days when I long to call her just to hear her voice.  I’ve even dialed her number a few times and it’s still hard to hear that message saying her phone has been disconnected.  There are days when I feel I’d do just about anything just to be able to take her to the grocery store or sit and watch TV with her for a while. 

But with all the sadness that this day brings, I know I’m also blessed to be a mother myself.  Being a mother to two sons has been my greatest joy.  I also know I’m blessed to have the mother that I had.  She was a good mother to her three daughters.  And THAT’S what I try to focus on when I’m feeling sad about her no longer being here.  I see and hear my mother in myself a lot these days and in my children, and that makes me smile.  I’m grateful for so many things.  I’m grateful that I’m the daughter of a mother who taught me to be true and honest with myself and others.  I’m grateful I’m the daughter of a mother who gave me a love for animals and nature.  I’m grateful I’m the daughter of a mother who taught me to cook and gave me a love for cooking.   I’m grateful I’m the daughter of a mother who instilled in me a love for books and reading.  I’m grateful I’m the daughter of a mother who supported me in my dreams and encouraged me to  go after those dreams.   But most importantly, I’m grateful I’m the daughter of a mother who showed me what a loving God we have. 

Though my mother’s gone, I know she will remain forever in my heart.  Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers. 

  

Gail  ♥

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About Gail

I am a wife, mother, sister, aunt, friend, veterinarian, and wanna be writer. I love nature and animals of all kinds, music, cooking, and spending time with my family.
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2 Responses to Forever in My Heart

  1. “Really meaningful”? Most of the work we do at the office will be forgotten in a handful of weeks or years, but the love and energy spent on our little ones will carry on for decades (if we’re lucky!) through our children and their children. I’d question which definition of “meaningful” is truer here.

    This was a beautiful post, and one I well relate to. I was actually replying to comments in my inbox a few minutes ago and found something I wrote last night:
    My mom won’t be with me in person tomorrow, but every sweet word she said and the feeling of safety she wrapped me in will be in my heart.

    I was so tired when I wrote that, I don’t remember writing it at all. But I’m glad I did, because when I saw that comment . . . I needed the reminder.

    Happy Mother’s Day 🙂

  2. Gail says:

    Thanks Deborah. Your comment was a good reminder for me too. Thanks for sharing it.

    I have NEVER regretted for one single minute my decision to leave my job and become a full time stay-at-home mom. I have loved every single minute of it. It has been challenging at times and we have had to sacrifice some for me to stay home, but it has been worth every bit of it. I would do it again in a heartbeat. After all, our kids are only young once!

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